Bible Text: Ephesians 5:22-6:9 | Pastor: Eric Danielson | Series: Ephesians

The relationships we have with people in our families and at work are the most rewarding, but they can also be the most difficult because we see each other at our best, but also at our worst. What is the key to experiencing joy and fulfillment in these relationships?

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Submission to Christ
Ephesians 5:22-6:9

This morning we reach a point in Paul’s letter to the Ephesians where he writes about what our underlying behavior ought to be like as we relate to the people that know us the most – people at home and at work. We’ve already looked at how we treat one another in the church family – we are to fight for unity and do our part to build up the body of Christ. We’ve also seen how we are to behave toward people in general – put off the old, sinful, and corrupt behaviors of our former way of life and put on the new behaviors of righteousness and holiness. Today we look at how God wants us to behave toward our spouse, children, parents, bosses, and employees – the people we end up spending the most time with.

These relationships can be the most rewarding, but they can also be the most difficult. Because we spend so much time together, these people see us at our best and at our worst and we see the same in them as well. They know who you really are – the good, the bad, and the ugly. When I was dating Amy, I made sure I put my best foot forward. I wanted to impress her and I wanted her to like me. Those parts of me that weren’t so endearing remained hidden for the most part – not that I was trying to hide who I really was; I just wasn’t about to highlight my faults and flaws. And the same was true for her. It’s the way we act when we’re getting to know people – we put our best Facebook profile self out front for people to see and most people don’t know all the details of who we really are.

But when you live in the same home and work in the same building, things are different. Sooner or later the people that are closest to you see the whole story – they see the other side of you, and you see the other side of them. And some of the things you see are less than impressive. There are things about me that Amy has seen that she’s not real fond of. The same is true of my kids and the people I work with. The relationships we have with the people at home and work – the people we’re closest to – are often the most difficult relationships we have. Families are ripped apart by brokenness, bitterness, and hatred. Marriages fall apart, siblings won’t speak to each other. Parents scream at their kids and kids rebel against parents. Employees get fired. Supervisors get cheated. It can be a real mess. Are these kinds of outcomes inevitable? Or can things be different?

In our passage for today, Paul presents the key for how things can be very different. In fact, there can be great joy and fulfillment in all these relationships where we see and experience one another’s dark sides. And it’s the same key for every relationship and situation whether it’s the husband-wife relationship, the child-parent relationship, or the employee-supervisor relationship. He begins with the husband-wife relationship.

Read Ephesians 5:22-30.
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

So Paul begins this passage by addressing Christian wives and his instructions have often been misused as a battering ram for women. And which word do you suppose has been misused the most in verse 22? “Submit…” But you might find it interesting to note that there’s one word in verse 22 that doesn’t actually exist in the original manuscripts. You want to guess what that word is? You got it – “submit.”

I went to look up its definition one time and was very surprised to find out that it wasn’t even in the verse. I then learned that verse 22 isn’t the beginning of a new paragraph; it isn’t even the beginning of a new sentence. It’s the continuation of the sentence in verse 21. So in the original language it actually says, “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ; wives to your own husbands…” Translators put a break between these two verses for organizational purposes, thus they need to add in the word “submit” in vs. 22 to carry the idea over from vs. 21. But it’s not in the original text and unfortunately what often happens is people say, “Look, wives are supposed to submit,” but the reality of what Paul says is that both wives and husbands are to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. It’s a mutual submission – a mutual practice of putting the other person’s needs and interests in front of your own and treating them the way God wants them to be treated.

And that’s the key to finding joy and fulfillment in your relationships with all the people who are closest to you. The key for joyful and fulfilling relationships at home and at work is submitting to one another out of reverence to Christ. What Paul says in verse 21 is the underlying principle that carries through to all three kinds of relationships Paul writes about.

So let’s look at how this plays out in marriage. Husbands and wives are to submit to one another out of reverence to Christ. They are to put their spouse’s needs in front of their own. That means that wives need to show honor and respect to their husbands – that’s what husbands need most. God has wired them that way and called them to take on the role and responsibility of headship in the family and their deep need is to feel supported and respected by their wife. So the wife is to show honor and respect to her husband. She doesn’t do this because he always deserves it; she does this because he needs it and that’s what God has called her to do. By doing this, she is a reflection of the Church, which is the bride of Christ, and as the Church submits to Christ, so wives are to submit to their husbands.

Husbands on the other hand, are called by God to love and cherish their wives. That’s how a husband submits to his wife because that’s what she needs most. God has wired her that way and called her to support her husband and in doing that she needs to know that she are loved and cherished. The way a husband is to do this is to look to Christ as his example. Christ laid down his life for the church in order that he might present her to himself in radiant beauty, and a husband is to do the same. Out of love, a husband is to make sacrifices for his wife so that she will be vibrant and joyful and beaming with radiant beauty. And notice who benefits from this – not just the wife, but the husband as well. Christ laid down his life so that he could present his radiant bride to himself with much joy, and a husband is to love and cherish his wife so that she too will be filled with life and vibrancy and bring him much joy. If you take care of your wife, Paul says it’s like taking care of your own body. So husbands are to submit to their wives by loving and cherishing them – not because they always deserve it, but because they need it and that’s what God has called you to do. And when a husband treats his wife in this way, he is a reflection of Christ. As Christ loves the church, so husbands are to love their wives.

There’s a lot more in this passage, but for this morning I mainly want you to see that by submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ, husbands and wives meet each others needs and can enjoy harmony and fulfillment in marriage, even after seeing each other at their worst. The key is to take the attention off of yourself and put the other person’s needs in front of your own. You see that same idea in the next kind of relationship – that of children and parents. What does it look like when children and parents submit to one another out of reverence to Christ?

Ephesians 6:1-4
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

So, for children – and I believe he has dependents in mind here: children in the home and under the care and authority of their parents – the instruction is simple: the way that you submit to your parents out of reverence to Christ is to obey them. That’s how you have a happy life as a child in a Christian home. You may think the opposite is true – that if you do what you want to do instead of what they tell you to do that you will be happier, but that’s a toxic direction to go. It never works. In some cases you might get what you want for a while if you can manipulate your parents enough, but it will come back to bite you later on in life. Being teachable and obedient to those whom God has put in authority over you is a tremendous blessing and a benefit to learn.

To emphasize this, Paul quotes one of the Ten Commandments and reminds them of the promise that went with that commandment – Honor your father and mother that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. If you don’t honor them, it will not go well with you. You may or may not get what you want right away, but down the line it will lead to problems. Disobeying and dishonoring your parents is a road that leads to destruction.

Keep in mind that Paul is addressing children in Christian homes and of course if an unbelieving and immoral parent tells you to do something sinful and wicked, you have no choice but to refuse. But unless that’s the case, children are to obey.

But it’s not only children who need to submit in the parent-child relationship – parents are also to submit to their children out of reverence to Christ. I’m not saying a parent is to give up their authority or that children are to rule the roost – it means that parents cannot be self-centered either when it comes to how they treat their children. Parents must put the needs and interests of their children in front of their own. Paul addresses fathers here because of their role in headship, but of course this applies to mothers as well who have an equal responsibility in nurturing their children.

Both fathers and mothers are not to provoke their children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. So he presents a contrast here – to provoke a child to anger is the opposite of bringing them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Child psychology will point to all kinds of things that can provoke a child to anger – all kinds of sins in the parents that will be a curse to the children and Paul says “Don’t parent that way any longer!” Not only will it be a curse to your children, but it will be a curse to you.

Instead, parents are to bring their children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. This points to two aspects of parenting: discipline and instruction – correction and training. Not allowing sinful behavior and then pointing them in the right direction. Parents who don’t discipline their children are in the wrong. Parents who discipline too harshly are in the wrong. Discipline has a place and is needed by our children. But instruction is as well. Don’t just chastise them when they’re wrong. Teach them how to do what’s right. Teach them what God’s will is. Both discipline and instruction are vital in the proper raising of children. Discipline without instruction will lead to bitterness and anger and rebellion. And instruction without discipline will lead to disobedience and rebellion.

So mutual submission is the key to a joyful parent-child relationship. The last relationship Paul addresses is the master-servant relationship. Both were present in the church, so what would it look like for masters and servants to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ?

Ephesians 6:5-9
Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, 6 not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, 7 rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, 8 knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a bondservant or is free. 9 Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.

There were different forms of servitude and slavery in Ephesus – slavery was the lowest form and is consistent with what we probably think of when we hear the term “slavery.” People were forced into slavery for various reasons and were treated like property and not valued with human dignity. There were also bondservants who from what I understand could have been free, but willingly subjected themselves to serving a master. And then there were hired servants who worked for pay, much the same as modern day employees. Paul seems to address people in any of these situations who had become followers of Christ along with the people who were their masters or who hired them. So for our purposes we will apply this passage to our work situations. Based on what Paul writes in the book of Philemon he didn’t condone the lowest form of slavery and my assumption is that if any master in that situation were to come to Christ, he would instruct him to end such slavery. So when he addresses masters here I’m assuming he’s mainly dealing with those who had bondservants and hired servants.

So first, Paul addresses the servants and he tells them that the way that they submit to their masters out of reverence to Christ was to obey them with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as they would Christ. Paul uses the phrase “fear and trembling” in his letters to describe how we are to obey the Lord, and it carries with it the ideas of reverence, recognition of power and authority, and fear of discipline. This was how slaves were to obey their masters. So it was not ok for them to rebel and protest and treat their masters disrespectfully or with hatred. Neither were they to cheat their masters by merely looking and sounding good when they were around and then playing a different tune when they were gone. They were to work hard all the time – as unto the Lord – remembering that their honesty and hard work would be rewarded by God.

In our employment situations these all apply as well. We are to submit to our employers out of reverence for Christ by working hard at all times and with a respectful attitude that is pleasing to the Lord. We are to be working as unto the Lord, knowing that he will reward us.

But it’s not just servants who were to submit, Christian masters were to submit to their servants as unto the Lord. It was not ok for them to be involved in the common abuses against slaves in that culture. As children of God, they were to treat their servants differently. Paul told them to stop using fear to manipulate; stop threatening. And he reminded them that their Master in heaven would show no partiality to them because of their position of authority. Therefore, they must lead and direct their servants in a godly way. And if you’re in a position of authority in your workplace and you have people underneath you, you have been called to treat them in the same way. As a Christian, you submit to them out of reverence to Christ.

So in all these relationships: husband-wife, parent-child; master-servant – whatever position a person was in, as followers of Christ they were to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. That was the key for successful and godly relationships back then as it is now. If we are going to find joy and fulfillment at home and at work, with the people that we know best and that know us the best, we need to grab hold of this practice in life. We treat one another with mutual submission, looking to the interests and needs of others as more important than your own – whether God has placed you in a support position where someone else has authority over you, or whether you have been given the responsibility to lead – God has called you to submit to one another out of reverence to Christ.

And when we do that not only will we find joy and harmony in our relationships, but we will glorify Christ who shockingly submitted himself to us and put our interests in front of his own. He died for us so that we could have peace with God and now he calls us to imitate him in how we treat others so that we will glorify him.