Bible Text: Genesis 21:1-21 | Pastor: Eric Danielson | Series: Abraham

Everyone has things from their past that they regret – things that bring guilt and shame and cause pain for themselves and for other people. Through faith in Christ we know that all our sins are forgiven, but sometimes forgiveness isn’t enough. There are still consequences and the pain of regret can be very crippling. What can we do to let go of our regret?

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Letting Go of Regret
Genesis 21:1-21

Today we are going to talk about the things in our pasts that we wish we would have never done – things we regret. These are things – big and small – that bring us guilt and shame and bring pain on other people as well. In Christ, all our sins are forgiven, but oftentimes the consequences of those sins remain and it’s not just we that pay for them; oftentimes it involves other people as well.

One of the things I regret from my past that caused pain to other people was getting into a long term dating relationship in high school when I wasn’t ready for that kind of responsibility or commitment. I started dating a girl when I was 16 and we dated through high school. But when I graduated and went to college my feelings changed and I no longer wanted to date her. But her feelings had not changed. She had entrusted her heart to me, but I just knew I couldn’t continue in the relationship. So after 3 years of dating I broke up with her halfway through my freshman year and in so doing caused her a lot of pain. Because of my immaturity and carelessness with the emotions of a dating relationship, not only did I hurt her, but I ruined my reputation with her and her parents and I regretted it.

Some of you struggle with far more serious regrets – things you wish you’d never done that still haunt you today. These are things that have not only caused you pain, but others as well, and some of you are still dealing with the consequences. For some, these regrets can be almost crippling; they sit there under the surface like embers in a fire and then something happens that pours gas on them and they burst into flame. Like I said, knowing that you’re forgiven sometimes isn’t enough. You still feel guilt, especially for the people you’ve hurt.

Well today, I want to help you let go of that guilt and those regrets by looking at a story in the life of Abraham. Abraham had a major regret – something he did that caused a lot of painful consequences for him and the people in his family for many years. Today we’re going to see it come back to haunt him, but then we’ll also see something that would help him let go of it, and I think will help us be able to let go of our regrets as well.

Abraham and Sarah had relocated after seeing the terrible judgment of Sodom and Gomorrah. They settled in their new home near the Philistine city of Gerar and were awaiting the fulfillment of the promise God had given them just a few months earlier. We read about the fulfillment of that promise at the beginning of Gen. 21…

Read Genesis 21:1-7.
The LORD visited Sarah as he had said, and the LORD did to Sarah as he had promised. 2 And Sarah conceived and bore Abraham a son in his old age at the time of which God had spoken to him. 3 Abraham called the name of his son who was born to him, whom Sarah bore him, Isaac. 4 And Abraham circumcised his son Isaac when he was eight days old, as God had commanded him. 5 Abraham was a hundred years old when his son Isaac was born to him. 6 And Sarah said, “God has made laughter for me; everyone who hears will laugh over me.” 7 And she said, “Who would have said to Abraham that Sarah would nurse children? Yet I have borne him a son in his old age.”

So this was a very joyful day for Sarah – a 90 year old woman who had never been able to conceive, but who now, in spite of having gone through menopause, became pregnant and gave birth to a son – Isaac – the long awaited fulfillment of God’s promises to Abraham. Sarah was overwhelmed with happiness and bewildered at the whole situation.

The birth of Isaac should have bound everyone in Abraham’s camp together in joyful unity for decades to come as finally, the long-awaited son and heir was born. He would be their new leader when Abraham died. But there was a major problem brewing – a problem that was the direct result of one of Abraham’s past failures. Isaac wasn’t his only son; he had another son – his firstborn named Ishmael who was 14 years old at that time. Ishmael was the result of Abraham’s failure to trust the Lord and do the right thing.

Back in Genesis 16 we saw how Sarah was getting to the point where she knew she wasn’t going to get pregnant and was likely feeling like a failure, when she suggested a solution to Abraham that was a common practice for people in their situation – Abraham could sleep with her servant Hagar and they would obtain an heir through her. In that culture, the child born in such a situation would be considered to belong to the chief wife and they would raise him as their own.

Abraham should have responded to Sarah’s suggestion by saying “No. We can’t do that. I don’t know how this is going to work out, but we have to trust the Lord and not take matters into our own hands.” But he didn’t. He agreed to the plan and slept with Sarah’s servant and she became pregnant. Right away there were some difficult consequences because Hagar turned against Sarah and then Sarah went to Abraham and blamed him. So there were all kinds of family conflict and turmoil. Then Sarah mistreated Hagar and she ran away, but the Lord found her and told her to go back and submit to Sarah, which she did. They seemed to work out their differences at that time and things were peaceful. Ishmael was born and years went by with the assumption that he would be the only heir. But then Isaac was born, and the failure from Abraham’s past came back to haunt him.

Nothing happened to stir the pot right away, but I think in the back of Sarah’s mind, she was thinking about the whole situation. She now had a son of her own and she was Abraham’s wife, so her son deserved the inheritance more than Hagar’s. Hagar and Ishmael served a purpose, but now everything was different. Who would be the heir? Who would receive the inheritance? Would Ishmael share it with her son? Would he get the greater portion because he was Abraham’s firstborn? What would happen to her and Isaac if Abraham died? Would Ishmael kick them out of the camp? Would he kill them? This all boiled to the surface one day when Isaac was 2- 3 years old.

Read Genesis 21:8-11.
And the child grew and was weaned. And Abraham made a great feast on the day that Isaac was weaned. 9 But Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian, whom she had borne to Abraham, laughing. 10 So she said to Abraham, “Cast out this slave woman with her son, for the son of this slave woman shall not be heir with my son Isaac.” 11 And the thing was very displeasing to Abraham on account of his son.

So at this party, Ishmael, who would have been about 17 at the time, laughed at Isaac who would have been close to 3. The Hebrew word for “laugh” indicates that he was laughing at him or making sport of him. And when Sarah saw that, all of her concerns and frustrations about the situation boiled to the surface and she demanded that Abraham do something about it. She demanded that he cast Hagar and Ishmael out of their camp so that they would never share the inheritance with Isaac.

All of a sudden, Abraham’s past failure came back to haunt him, and I imagine he was filled with regret. He didn’t want to kick them out, but now he had an ultimatum from his wife. He was in a situation that he just couldn’t fix. If he said “no” to Sarah, he would betray his wife and have to face the consequences of that. But if he said “yes,” he would betray his firstborn son and put Hagar and Ishmael in a very dangerous situation. Ishmael was no less his son than Isaac was and the decision would have been agonizing for him. What a mess… I’m sure he wished he could go back and change some things – just like all of us do. But he couldn’t. He would have to live with the consequences of his sin and deal with regret for the rest of his life….

That’s the way we often feel about the regrets we have from our past. Yes, we’re forgiven, but we can’t go back and fix things and now we have to carry that burden and regret the rest of our lives… But I want you to see what happens next, because what happens next shows me that Abraham could let go of his regret and it also shows me that we can too.

Read Genesis 21:12-21.
But God said to Abraham, “Be not displeased because of the boy and because of your slave woman. Whatever Sarah says to you, do as she tells you, for through Isaac shall your offspring be named. 13 And I will make a nation of the son of the slave woman also, because he is your offspring.” 14 So Abraham rose early in the morning and took bread and a skin of water and gave it to Hagar, putting it on her shoulder, along with the child, and sent her away. And she departed and wandered in the wilderness of Beersheba. 15 When the water in the skin was gone, she put the child under one of the bushes. 16 Then she went and sat down opposite him a good way off, about the distance of a bowshot, for she said, “Let me not look on the death of the child.” And as she sat opposite him, she lifted up her voice and wept. 17 And God heard the voice of the boy, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, “What troubles you, Hagar? Fear not, for God has heard the voice of the boy where he is. 18 Up! Lift up the boy, and hold him fast with your hand, for I will make him into a great nation.” 19 Then God opened her eyes, and she saw a well of water. And she went and filled the skin with water and gave the boy a drink. 20 And God was with the boy, and he grew up. He lived in the wilderness and became an expert with the bow. 21 He lived in the wilderness of Paran, and his mother took a wife for him from the land of Egypt.

We need to see two major things that happen here. God told Abraham, “It’s ok, you can do what Sarah has said and remove them from the camp.” And then he gave him two reasons. First he reminded him that they were not the fulfillment of God’s plan. They never were and they never would be. Isaac was. God had a plan and he would carry out that plan in spite of Abraham’s failure. The birth of Ishmael was never going to derail God’s plan. God knew when Abraham and Sarah took matters into their own hands and Ishmael was born that it would cause major problems because he was not going to deviate from his plan. So Abraham could let them go because God wasn’t going to fulfill his covenant promises through Ishmael – only through Isaac.

That brings hope to all of us this morning because God will do the same thing in our lives. God has a plan for our lives and he’s going to carry it out even with our failures and the messes we make. Our failures will cause pain and hardship, but they won’t cause God’s plan to fail. He is going to carry out his plan even with our failures in the mix.

But what about the people we’ve hurt along the way? What’s going to happen to them? That’s where we feel the biggest regret and the most guilt – it’s the pain we’ve caused other people. God’s plans may not be derailed because of our failures, but what about all the people we’ve hurt? Aren’t we obligated to keep trying to fix things, even after we know we can’t? Well, look at what God did for Hagar and Ishmael. Abraham couldn’t fix the mess he put them in, but God could. God told him, “I’ll take care of Hagar and Ishmael.” And he did. He protected them and blessed them. Ishmael got married and had 12 sons who became princes throughout what we now know as Saudi Arabia. Abraham did what he could – he took as much responsibility to make things right as he could – but now he could let them go because there was nothing more he could do and God would take care of them. And in letting them go he could also let go of all the regret and guilt. He could release them into the sovereign care of God and he could let them go…

Many of you need to do the same thing this morning. You’ve been holding on to regrets and past failures for a long time and you’ve done everything you could do to make things right, and now you need to let them go. You don’t need to keep hanging on to them. They will only cripple you and beat you down. There’s nothing more you can do. You need to let them go into the sovereign care of God.

When I was 6 years old, I was walking along our driveway when I noticed three huge bumble bees working some dandelions to the side. They looked big and dangerous, so of course I decided I needed to kill them… so I waited for them to land and stomped on them. When the dastardly deed was done I looked at them and they looked pretty cool, so I decided to keep them and I put them in my pants pocket. Little did I know that apparently a bumble bee can still sting you when it’s dead – and I had three in my pocket.

Well a few seconds later I felt this terrible stinging pain in my leg – I don’t know if it was just one or all three, but it hurt like crazy, so I did the only thing I could think of; I dropped my pants to my knees right there in the middle of the driveway and I dumped them out of my pocket. I didn’t want them stinging me anymore.

Our regrets are like those bumble bees – they’re dead because of our faith in Christ. Jesus paid it all when he died for us on the cross. He paid for those sins that we regret the most and we’re forgiven. So we aren’t condemned anymore. But they still have the ability to come back and sting us. We need to do whatever we can to make things right, but there comes a point where we can’t do anything more and we need to let them go.

So this morning I’d like for us all to stand… and close our eyes…. This is a time to focus on you and God, not on anyone else – just you and God. I’d like you to reach into your pocket or wherever that regret is stinging you, take hold of it, and then I want you to lift it up high before the Lord… Hold it there, acknowledge it, remember that you’re forgiven, and then let it go… The people that you’ve hurt… the pain you’ve caused and want to fix but can’t, let it go… The Lord was big enough to take care of Hagar and Ishmael, he can take care of the people you’ve hurt too and you just need to let it go. Let them go. Release them to God. Turn over all those regrets to him. They’re his to handle now; not yours anymore. And he can handle them. You can’t, so let them go. And whenever that regret starts to come back and tries creeping in again, when you want to try to take it back and fix something you can’t ever fix; reach into that pocket, pull it out, and let it go again.